Seeing God in Suffering

We have much going on this last week. I haven't been able to post any on Easter, one of my favorite times of the year, or any more on the thoughts of intimacy God's been bringing to my mind. We have had a lot of hard things this past week. 

There is so much that I'm thankful for in the midst of it, to see God at work in the midst of suffering.

Gary was gone on business Monday and Tuesday, and he told me with the circumstances, he'd prefer me and the girls to stay at my parents house while he was gone. We had a co-op field trip in West Plains at 9 am on Tuesday that he thought would be better if I was already out there, as well as him feeling better about us not being alone. I tried to talk him out of it, explaining what a pain it is to pack all 4 of us up for just one night, but he stood firm, so I said okay and went. THANK GOD. Again, seeing the blessing of submission- poor Belle was up all night with the flu. Had I been home alone, it would have been overwhelming. My sister had gotten everything ready for me to sleep with her, and the girls were in their room (they have their own room at my parents). Anyway, my mother was up with her almost all night and never came and got me, and I had no idea until morning, when I got up to get everyone ready for the field trip. Needless to say, we didn't go, and I stayed there until I thought it was safe to try to drive home that evening. 

Gary's sister, Jeanni, was diagnosed in June of last year with acute lymphocytic leukemia. She's only 35 years old. It has been a constant battle, with one thing to the next. The cancer is in remission, but because of the horrible toxins from the chemo and treatments, she's battling all kinds of other issues. On Thursday, Gary's dad called and said it was pretty bad, with a fight for life going on. She's in the NTICU in Springfield, so we left that evening after closing the store to go see her and be with Dad. It was so sad. She's sedated, so we couldn't visit much with her, but prayed and spent time with Gary's dad. It is a hard thing all the way around. We weren't sure if we were staying or not, but I'd packed a bag just in case. It started pouring, and we went to Jeanni's house to check the weather. While there, Gary decided he'd rather us go home- this would put us at home around 2:30 in the morning. I was like, okay, then let's go. Again- THANK GOD I didn't argue. We got to bed around 3:00 am.

Friday morning, I wake up at 9:00 am, with the flu. It was awful. My parents kept the kids while I was sick. Gary started fighting it, but thank God for our all natural stuff, cause he never got it and kept taking his meds. I realized that in all the rush, I'd forgotten my meds- I will never forget them again! On Saturday, I called my parents to check in and come get the girls- and they all had gotten the flu. I'd forgotten their meds too! Poor things! So, we've all been battling this awful flu that is INTENSE. 

There's a lot more going on that I can't reveal quite yet, but there continues to be this non stop struggle, concerns, with various things. Seems like it goes from one thing to the next. Right now, we're trying to recover and just keep up with our responsibilities of our family and business and church. Gary's sister is just hanging in there, not doing worse, but not any better. We're just praying God's glory be clearly seen through this- however He decides to reveal Himself in her situation. Please keep us in your prayers!

Intimacy

Warning: I'm getting very open here!

So, these past few days I've been pondering some things pertaining to intimacy- in all aspects- physical, emotional, spiritual. The other night, after experiencing a wonderful time of worship in physical intimacy with my husband, Gary later said- I love you so much. I love doing life with you. I love God's gift to us. I love you!  Of course, this made me smile, and I laughed with him and said- of course you do, after THAT!  :)   (though I did agree with him. I love him much!)

So then my thoughts were turned toward my past, and the same kinds of things I've done, unmarried, and think of the shame. Of course, it is right for me to be ashamed for those things, because they were not done in God's design of marriage. But, as I thought through some things, I was so grateful to God for how He's brought much change to my heart concerning the physical aspects of intimacy. I told Gary that I do with him what I would have been embarrassed or completely ashamed of in the past- and in the past, whenever I did those things, I was either drunk or high, and now I'm completely coherent!  :) 

What I've been really pondering is the correlation between the intimacy of deep conversation/pouring out of the heart for men, and the intimacy of physical intimacy/s*x for women. The amount of transparency, vulnerability, and freedom is equivalent in both. The deepness, the requiring of much trust and ability to be completely free corresponds to each: pouring out of the heart for men = physical intimacy for women

What is required of me to give of myself physically to Gary is the same kind of vulnerability he is required to give to me when he is very open and shares his heart with me. The beautiful thing is, they feed each other. When Gary loves me through being very real, open, and takes the time to really talk with me, I naturally want to respond by being as close to him as physically possible. And when I'm giving to him physically, he is more apt to open up to me.

It is SUCH an amazing gift. And I can see why many marriages, even "christian" ones, struggle. I'm praying that God would continue to reveal more of Himself through this. There is much in Scripture that supports that marriage is as close a picture of God's glory revealed on earth as we get to experience- a picture of Christ and His Bride. I am so wanting our marriage to rightly display God's glory, in every aspect!

What are your thoughts? Scriptural backup? I'd love to hear it!

The Rains Came Down, and the Floods Came Up

We are singing songs like this, Deep and Wide, Noah and the Arky...

It is raining and raining and raining. It's been non stop thunderstorms since last night. We've had about 9" of rain, and it's starting to overflow, flooding the pastures, running onto the roads.

Of course, something like this is a bit scary for us, flooding and such.

However, there is something amazing about God sending so much rain, that it pervades everything. The ground can't soak it up fast enough, the water just keeps coming down and it floods, overflows, spills over- everywhere.

What a reminder of what our prayer should be. Flood us, Holy Spirit! Pour down from heaven so much of Yourself, that we can't soak it up fast enough, that our dryness is flooded with Your graciousness, and that we're swimming in Your goodness! What a picture- so much of God's mercy and grace poured out, that it affects every area of our life! 

Yes, please, Lord, send the flood! 

A Deer Reminder

Okay, I HAVE TO share this amazing, wonderful way God reminded me to submit to, follow, my husband and allowed me to see the immediate result of obedience in that. 

If you know me at all, you know I am not the meek, mild natured, quiet type, so the word submission is not so easy for me. Not that I think it's easy for any woman, cause it's not a natural thing at all, but it seems like it's a double whammy for myself. I fight tooth and nail, for no apparent reason at times other than to just fight it out. (Yes, I know, I need Jesus!)

So last night, we went to church. I bring our van with all of us to the store, pick Gary up right at 5pm, when the store closes, then go to eat (love subway!) and then to church. Sidenote: at growth group, I shared about my freaking out at Bekah during math,  (see previous blog) and my need for patience, and really, for my selfishness to be overcome. I lost it because I didn't want to take the time and energy it took to help her really understand it. So, just finding a better curriculum or sending her to a school would not actually help the real problem- my heart/attitude, it would just make it "go away", like the issue would just not be seen. Actually, it'd probably come out while trying to help her do homework anyway. So, my answer is to run to Jesus to change my bad attitude, so no matter if we keep home schooling (our intention) or send her to a school, the real problem of my selfishness and impatience will be dealt with.

Back to story: So, we drive back toward home, have to stop midway at our store to get Gary's truck, and then we drive separately home from there. Now, usually, I'll follow Gary, more as a reminder of my "following" my husband. It may not be a big deal that I must actually follow him home, but for me it is definitely a little "check" for my heart. I got in the van, and started to just go, not wanting to wait on him (hmmm...impatience again!) and then got ready to pull out on the road, when the Lord just reminded me to wait. So, I kinda laughed at myself and waited for him. I followed my husband.

After that, I called a friend to see how she was, cause when I'd seen her briefly at church, she seemed down or whatever, so I just wanted to make sure she was okay. We talked a little, then she said she'd call me back after getting kids down to bed. Just as I hung up with her, Gary calls- honey, I just nailed a DEER. Be careful. Now, I am only 2 minutes behind him. As I come up over the next hill, there is a deer standing in the middle of the road. Thankfully, I'd slowed down after being on the phone with him. Then it hit me- not the deer- but the reality of had I not shown that little sign of submission of waiting on Gary and following him, I WOULD HAVE HIT THE DEER! Gary is driving his dad's huge truck, which has this massive guard on it (his dad hit a few deer and was sick of the damage- not anymore!) so it didn't do a thing to his truck. Had I hit the deer, I was in the mini van with our three kids- it wouldn't have been pretty!

So, what a blessing! I am so glad that God reminds us of these things and even allows us at times to see the blessing of obedience. I also realized last night that had I been on the phone with my friend still, I may not had answered the phone when Gary had been calling. And realized that is probably not the best. We talked about it, and I agreed that I would always answer the phone when he's calling out of my respect for him as my husband, though it may not have to be a long conversation or we'll call back. Anyway- yes, these have been good lessons, reminders, for me. Obviously, patience is a part of the fruit of the Spirit I am lacking, so I am asking God's Spirit be poured out on me, so that fruit will be evident in my life.

So, have a great day! I'm enjoying the gift of being a wife and mother...patiently!  :)

oh my!

Oh my, I am not feeling well today...and I was doing school with Bekah, and lost it. I HATE math...I enjoyed it as a kid, but Bekah is definitely much stronger in reading and spelling, English stuff, and some of the math concepts are hard for her to grasp...and I'm at a loss for how to teach it to where she gets it! It's making me crazy! Thankfully, she's really fine at the kindergarten level...we've been doing some first grade stuff, so it's really fine. And Praise God, the home school convention is at the end of April, so I can find some really good stuff to help her- and ME!!!

Anyway- that has been our day. I can't handle much more before church tonight. I am going to get outside a bit and get some fresh air...and maybe then take a little nap! Hope your day is great!!!

Life is good

So, today I had lunch with a friend who also has three girls...lots in common. It's so nice to just hang out together.  

And I must say, my husband is so sweet- he has been purposing to take one day off a month to be home with the girls and be "me"- he does everything from the laundry to school with Bekah- and gives me the day to go and do whatever I'd like to do, to get a break. It's been great- time for me to get some down time, and it has helped Gary to see just exactly what I do. He's always been pretty thankful and appreciative, but now he completely understands why some days dinner doesn't get made, or I have to call him to have him talk to a rebellious child, etc. It's made for me to feel cherished and he's so much more appreciative, that I really want to do all I can to be his helper. Anyway, so this month, we're having to do it a little different with the changes we made at the store- instead of the whole day off, he's doing a couple evenings- so I'm ready for a dinner date or two! Look out, I may just call you!  :)

Children are a BLESSING!

So, I had to remind myself of this today, over and over, as I was trying to get us out the door and to the grocery store to get the all important diapers, wipes, formula, toilet paper, and FOOD before the next big snow storm hits tonight... Belle was doing her terydacatal scream on the top of her lungs in 5 second intervals, Bekah kept asking me the same question over and over as I was trying to gather everything to get out the door, then Bethany needs a diaper change and is screaming because now she is hungry. Yes, the life of a wife, helper of her husband, mother of three beautiful children. 

I finally get us all out the door and even remembered everything (list, diaper bag, purse, all three children...) and into the car. I get out the driveway and start on our dirt road...and, these huge hunks of snow come crashing from the roof onto my windshield. No problem, they just fall off, right? Nope- most of them manage to fly off, but a huge portion procedes to smash itself between the windshield wipers, giving me no way to clear the water dripping down my windshield from said snow. I have to go back to my house to get the scraper that was left on the porch to clean it off, all the while on the phone with Gary, telling him he better be praying for me because I'm not feeling the love of being his helper, caring for his house and children.  :)  So, of course, he makes some comment that makes me laugh and take a breath, say a prayer and trust God to help my attitude that wants to just scream.

So, we did make our super walmart trip- this would be why I hate living out the way like we do, 30+ minutes from walmart- I have to make a "trip" of it. Thank God, my attitude changed, and the kids were wonderful. Bekah was a big helper, steering cart #2 (remember- I have THREE kids- one 6 month old in car seat, and 20 month old in cart seat, 5 yr old walking with me) and there we were, carting through Walmart with the whole crowd that was trying to beat the snow. There were MANY looks from people, mostly smiles, but I know some of them were thinking- don't you know what birth control is? And to them I say- Children ARE a BLESSING!

I DO love being my man's helper, being a keeper of the home and caring for our children while he is away, working. It is a great blessing. Even better- seeing God work a miracle in my heart to not just do what I need to with a bad attitude, but by the end of the day, after talking to God , my hubby, and a few of my close friends who understand and can laugh with me, I am actually LOVING it. What a great opportunity to see and experience God today. He's so good!

So, now, I will be doing school after dinner with Bekah, since after getting home, unloaded, and dinner going, we didn't have time, but thankfully, now I'm actually looking forward to it, as opposed to if I would've done it earlier. And I may just have to make some zucchini bread (bikini bread as Bekah calls it)  for the big storm.

Have a great evening- I will be!  

More snow!

We got 6 inches of snow here yesterday...we had to close the store, but we got to be together as a family and play and be lazy all day! Here are a few pics, including our family of snowmen. After playing in the snow, Gary made snow ice cream...he was so excited, like a little kid- it was like sweet cream ice cream, pretty good.

We're thankful for the time God gave us to just be together, with nothing else to do. It was really a nice break from the busy-ness of life. Sometimes we have to be "forced" to be still, don't we?