Reflections on Easter

Happy Easter from the Hirsch family!

It may be a little late, but...I guess, better than never?! Well, the weather on Easter was cold and yucky, so our family picture was taken indoors- but our celebration was warm.

Well, not at first...you see, we had big thoughts on preparing the family to celebrate what we consider the biggest holiday as a christian. Christmas, when we celebrate Christ's birth, and Easter, when we celebrate Christ's death and then resurrection from the dead, are the two biggest holidays for our family. While Christmas is a celebration of God sending His son to Earth, Easter is the celebration of His purpose fulfilled on Earth- to die on the cross and raise again to have victory over sin and death and thus saving His people, the Church, for Himself. Easter is SO exciting! And yet, we failed.

Here's how. And how, as a wife, God worked me through my husband's failure to lead us as a family  in really focusing on the meaning of Easter. Usually we'll do some sort of preparations towards Easter to get our minds and hearts set on why we're celebrating- reading through the Piper book, 50 Reasons..., reading through the gospel accounts during family worship, some activities like Resurrection eggs or making something together. I was waiting on Gary to lead us in what he thought best for our family. One of my biggest fears is if I don't do it, it won't get done. God's teaching me that sometimes, because I'll react in fear and make sure it gets done, my hubs doesn't have to- or think he doesn't need to- or whatever. Now, hear me. Gary is a WAY godly leader, wonderful husband, and is faithful to lead us. But he is human. So...Easter came quickly and nothing except our daily readings were planned. We talked about doing a couple things with the kids in prep for helping them to grasp why we celebrate Easter, as best as they can at a young age. After I'd suggested a few things, I waited. And the waiting turned to Easter morning...and I was way disappointed. Now, we usually do gifts for Easter, since it is big like Christmas. So, we had gifts like a worship dvd, journal, some outfits. Problem is, without them being taught why we're celebrating, Easter becomes about the gifts they get. I'm all for Easter baskets and things, as long as it's an overflow of joy in why we truly celebrate. If that's left out, all the kids remember or begin to think is that Easter is about chocolate and jelly beans. So I was hurt. Disappointed. 

This time, though, I went to God. Many times I get mad in my hurt. Want to hurt back...you know, I've journaled on it here before. Thankfully, this time, Grace brought me to remember that Easter is about victory over sin and death, and to surrender my hurt to Him so that I can share in that victory, to not let it ruin the celebration. I can celebrate through the hurt. And so, there we were. I prayed quietly to the Lord as we went to join my parents at their church...and oh man, were we blessed. An awesome time of worship for us as we were reminded of why we celebrate- while surrounded by many people God's used very specifically in our family. God blessed us to have Dave and Amy here with us for 5 days, including Easter. Amy and I grew up together, and used her and another friend Tammy to deal with some specific sins that eventually caused my heart to turn back to Him. So we had them on one side, my family on the other, and surrounded by friends like the Igos, Scisms, Zellars...all of whom God's used in specific ways in our life. It was a joyful celebration, even in the midst of my hurt.

 

Dave and Amy

We enjoyed a big dinner and hanging out time that day. Later on in the evening, I was able to express my disappointments with Gary without anger, who was also feeling the same way. My words were- okay, so I was really hurt, because...and I need you to listen to me and believe me that I'm hurt. Just cause I'm not freaking out, doesn't mean I'm not hurt. It means God is having victory right now. So please hear me so I don't have to yell. :)  Really, there was some seriousness to that, but I know I choose to yell...

Anyway, so after talking through it, and forgiveness had, I was reading in Luke 24. I was totally encouraged by the story of the women going to the tomb to prepare Christ's body to find angels and the body gone. The one angel tells them to go tell the men...and when they do, the men basically tell them they're idle and don't believe them. My version- stupid women, you're crazy. But Peter went and ran to the tomb to see for himself. I was struck with the reality that it isn't bad that they didn't believe the women right away. It was wrong that they didn't go check it out for themselves after they'd heard. I realized I'm married to a Peter. He listens and goes back to check it out himself. Then he marvels with me. That's the sign of the Spirit. The other men who didn't go back and check it out for themselves could've been spared much depression, sadness, etc...over Christ not being the Messiah they though he was if they'd gone to see for themselves. BUT...the rest of the chapter is on Jesus going and revealing to the two on the road to Emmaus and then to all the disciples for Himself. So, they saw that the women were speaking the truth eventually. They just missed out in the meantime. 

All this has regrounded my trust in God. My biggest fear is being misunderstood. Even as I write this, I think, maybe I shouldn't, cause someone's gonna take it the wrong way or not understand what I'm saying. But I'm supposed to share what God shows me! I don't have to make things happen or get people to believe me or try to not be misunderstood. I just need to walk in obedience. Sometimes that means sharing what I've seen of God. And God will show who He wills to see it eventually too. My trust is in Him. Personally, for me, that's mainly with my hubs. God revealed the unfolding of His plans first to the women in this passage. Even though the men are the leaders. The women were to help point the men to the truth. The men didn't believe. The women didn't have to make them believe, just share. I am beyond grateful for a husband who is filled with the Spirit and runs to see for Himself. Who is humble and will allow me to help him. And for a God that changes my heart that naturally wants to take the lead to follow.

Praise God, He is Good!  And hopefully, next year, we'll be ready to get prepared to celebrate BEFORE Easter's here! Even if not, He is gracious!

Party at the Park and field trips...

April has been loaded with lots of activity already. The warmer weather has been a welcome change to get out of the house. We enjoyed another friend's birthday party, this time at the park...it's always interesting for me to go somewhere by myself with all 4 girls. Thankfully, most all our friends are more than helpful.

Enjoying the park with friends.

We also got to go on a couple field trips, which are more frequent as the days grow warmer here and we're able to get out and about. Our home school co-op got to go on a nature hike at a nearby conservation. It was a long 1 1/2 hour hike, but all did very well. It was nice to be out enjoying God's creation and actually have someone there to point out different flowers and such that we may otherwise overlook. God truly made all things amazingly, pointing to His glory as Creator. We were even careful not to "kill the parents" as our guide said concerning not stepping on the plants. lol.

Our home school co-op group at the conservation...minus three other families that joined us that day

Bekah has read the first two of the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder, Little House in the Big Woods and Farmer Boy. She's in the middle of the third one now, Little House on the Prairie. We were able to go visit Laura's house in Mansfield, which is only about an hour from us, while Dave and Amy were here visiting. It was fun, and way more interesting than I'd thought it'd be. Bekah enjoyed seeing Pa's fiddle, which they annually take out and play at a festival. I was going to have her just read the first 3 books herself to expose her to the stories, but after visiting Laura's home, Bekah said she'd really like to read all of the series, which is fine with me! That same day we also went to Bakersville, a little old time village set up that is home to Baker Creek Seed Company, which sells seeds that have no GMOs, and are all heirloom seeds. After having done a 4 week gardening seminar, this was a cool place to visit. Really amazing, how many seeds they have- they had over 190 varieties of just tomatoes! Isn't God amazing?! 

The girls in their bonnets, enjoying the Little House

The amazing Baker Creek Seed Store- all those little bins hold packets of seeds

We also hit Silver Dollar City again, this time with Poppy, Gammy, and ChiChi. It was World fest time, and worked out perfectly with the geography we've been doing. It's a stretch at times to find some cultural things here where we live, so this was a welcomed event to expose the kids to other cultures, even if limited. We got to see a steel drum band from Trinidad- awesome!- and the Irish feet of fire dancers- pretty amazing. We all ate different foods from other countries and got to see a ton of flags and such. It was a fun, beautiful day of learning in a non-book form- welcomed any time!

We are in fact, part Irish- I am half Irish, half Korean, which makes our girls a 1/4 of each. 

You should see OUR Irish feet of fire! lol!

On the big 'ole rocking chair

This is a kid's roller coaster, with Poppy in the front, all by himself. haha. Bekah chickened out last minute and ran back out. Belle enjoyed the roller coaster with Daddy in the third cart. After riding a bunch of different rides for the first time, Belle said- Rides crazy! They're fun! Guess you know who will be our thrill seeker!

ChiChi was a good sport and was Bekah's riding buddy a lot.

All the family enjoyed a full day at SDC Worldfest!

March Madness

A little behind on posts, but here's some of the Hirsch March madness. We enjoyed the start of spring with a few different Spring Breaks-

First Spring break was when Tiffany, Taylor, and Daniel came to see us. It was cold, nasty weather, but we were able to go to the library together and hang out at different times through the week:

Then, the next week, Jonathan and Christina came to visit, and it was beautiful. We hit the park and got to hang out for a few days:

Then we had our family Spring break mini vacation for the weekend. We went to Silver Dollar City- it was cold, but we had fun. Then we went to Springfield to shop and hang out with the Wallaces. We got to go to Jump Mania for the first time. It was so fun! 

1,2,3,4...Packed up and ready to go in the van.

Silver Dollar City, Daddy gathering the herd at the farm.  

It may have been cold, but Bekah was so looking forward to the frozen strawberry/lemonade!

The girls enjoyed the hotel just as much as anything else!

Bethany and Jude at Jump Mania.

Belle's face was priceless- she had that panic look every time she went down the slide...for like an hour!

The June girls, Haven and Belle. They're only a few days apart.

Bekah enjoyed the slide too!

Bekah and Jadon enjoying Jump Mania!

We also enjoyed celebrating Natalie's birthday with the chaos of friends at her butterfly surprise party, and the Nielsen's adoption with a baby shower. A few pics:

Natalie's birthday crowd

Baby Rachel!

I made the diaper cake...Leigh Ann made the pretty flower ball.

Lots of activity and celebrations in March...we've been busy! God's been good. The newness of Spring has often called to mind the newness of life in Christ. Feels like a reason to celebrate! More posts to come very soon!

I Hate Sin and the Consequences Thereof

This is one of my mother's many sayings that I've adopted as my own. Something I've heard her say and tell me and teach me through since...well, since I can remember. I have been thinking much over this as God's brought me here recently dealing with pain and hurt myself. (See a couple blogs before this about pain.) Feelings of being so hurt that I am tempted to close off, shut down, so I can't feel. Not completely...just keep "going" in life without really "doing" life, if that makes sense. 

I hate sin. Not just dislike it. HATE it. I've grown tired of it. It makes me sick. sad. hurt. I look forward to the day it ends...in heaven. For now, I'll hate it.  I hate it in me. I hate it in you. I hate seeing it all around us. I don't care what it disguises itself as, I hate sin. Sin is sin is sin. I hate sin. 

Not only that...I hate sin's consequences. I hate what sin causes...what it brings with it. I hate the pain. guilt. shame.  I hate what it cost to get rid of it.

And yet it is. What is the purpose? Why? To make us feel bad? To make us drown in sorrow and guilt? Oh no!  What joy there can be, even in the midst of sin...when we see it as the backdrop it is. My hubby often says that sin is the backdrop for God's glory. Sin helps us see God's glory even clearer. Like black velvet behind a diamond ring. When forgiven, cleansed, set free...we see the depth of His love.

And THAT is glorious!

And so, in the midst of the fight against sin...not against each other...I will praise God. I am seeing more and more how the real enemy is not someone else. It's not even myself. It's the sin in me. The sin in you. Ultimately, Satan himself who rules this world and uses sin to his advantage.

Sin gets in the way of knowing God...not knowing about Him, KNOWING Him. The experiential knowledge of Him, what John 17:3 says eternal life is: knowing God and Jesus Christ whom He sent. I want to KNOW him this way more than anything else. What keeps me from this is what I hate most- sin. Not so and so who...or that one who...or somebody else that...Sin. That is it's name. Sin keeps me from my Treasure. 

But praise be to Jesus! We're not left alone with Sin! We're set free from it's bondage through Christ Himself! He fights on my behalf. That is a hallelujah!  Free from and victory over my own sin. And free to truly love those who sin against and therefore hurt me.

Help us, Lord. Help us to treasure you most and to hate sin and its consequences. For your glory. For our joy in You.

Week in Review: Fun with Gammy and more

So, this past week, we:

• Had a fun date night- dinner at subway, a long talk, good laughs...and a few rounds of games in the arcade section at Super Walmart. (I know...but we live HERE, so it's something to do!) And anyway, it really was fun, even if I did get whooped at Ms. Pac Man and air hockey.
• Had dinner with the Wiehes and made some battle plans for the flower selling bus. Yes, you heard correctly. 
• Took advantage of Gammy's day off and the beautiful weather on Wednesday and headed to the park. It was so pretty and we had a great time.

.

The only way to get them all to be still and get a pic was to feed them cookies...so, keep 'em coming! 

My girls took up the whole swing set!  What will we do when we have more? haha.

• Had a final dinner with our friends Adam and Shannon before he left for his final training and then heads overseas to Afghanistan with the National Guard. Pray for them these next 18 months. But, it was a fun night, tough steaks and all. Good laughs.
• Took a really spontaneous trip to Springfield- Mom, Me, and all four of the girls. We're crazy. But it was so fun. We hit Target (woohoo!), Hobby Lobby, and the mall. And were blessed with a surprise- Todd, Heather, and the kids walking our way while in the food court enjoying Chick-fil-A. So, we got to eat and visit a bit. I was so glad to see them!

In the play area...Bethany wanted out. She ran around in joyful circles, squealing the whole time.


• Celebrated Taylor Igo's 10th birthday with a little bowling. It was Bekah and Belle's first time bowling for real. Wii doesn't count in Bekah's opinion. They're hooked. They're asking when we can go as a family. It was fun.

Belle and Bekah in their first pair of bowling shoes. 

That was our week...lots of fun things going on, lots of learning going on. It's good stuff. God is faithful! Hope yours was a blessed week too!

Free to Feel...Pain that Turns to Joy

So, this is what I'm learning now: If we are free to feel the depths of pain, and walk through the pain by the power of the Spirit, the measure of that depth of pain will be turned to joy in His presence. 

I think of Philippians 3, where it talks about sharing in the fellowship of His sufferings by becoming like Christ in his death, that we can also experience the resurrection. Notice which comes first. We like to talk about and share the joy of sharing in the resurrection. But if we're not willing to go through the sufferings first, there can not be resurrection. And if we dare to only go through a little suffering, that will be the shallow amount of joy we experience after we go through it too. I want more.

Psalm 16:11 talks about joy in His presence. I want that joy! I want His presence! He has brought me to a place where I now value that and desire that more than most things in this world at most times. Except pain. I run. I don't want it. I'll do whatever to get away from it. Now hear me: I'm not talking about being a martyr, conjuring up your own "pain" or going after it. We don't really even need to do that. There's enough pain to deal with already there without us having to make up our own. What I'm talking about are the things we ignore, take drugs or drink or overeat or ______ to dull, the things we act like aren't that big of a deal, the things that make us mad because it hurts too much to face that it really hurts us so we just get mad instead. Most of these things are everyday types of things- expectations we have that are unmet, unkind words spoken at a hard time, etc. Some of these things are things we've experienced in our past that may be horrific- some type of abuse, the pain of adultery, etc.  Each of us has experienced some type of pain. What do you do with it? Stuff it? Pretend it's not there? Freak out and then go on like it never happened? Constantly bring it up just to let everyone know why you're the way you are?  What have you done with your pain?

Me: I tend to do all of these at different times. But mostly, I freak. I mean, I'm a pretty outward freak out type of personality. If you've known me for any amount of time, I'd say some words you'd use to describe me would be: boisterous, expressive, extreme, etc. I know that God made me VERY out like that. And yet, you may be surprised here, but I don't even express all that I'm feeling inwardly outwardly. Scary, huh? I bet you're glad too.  :)   

So, I've asked God now what. In my outwardness of dealing with pain, I've often found myself hurting others. I want them to feel some pain. They're hurting me, so let me dish out a little, so they know what it feels like. Or, I'm just getting out my pain and in the process hurt someone back unintentionally. This is not quite right. I've gotten tired of being the source others pain. Life hurts too much on it's own. I don't want to be yet another source of hurt for people. How can I learn from the pain I've experienced and learn from those situations so I'm not doing the same things to others? And now, I'm asking, how can I express the intensity of the pains I feel without hurting those around me?

If you've seen my shelfari on the sidebar, I read the book Shopping for Time by Carolyn Mahaney recently. Through it, I went before God and asked him for what to do next with what I read. Basically it's a great tool for making the best use of the time God's given you and helps with a strategic plan to do that. Having four kids, home schooling, and being a business owner, I can use a plan. Of course, the first thing is making time with God number one of the day. If nothing else, just being with Jesus. Duh. I know that. Yet, with a new baby, etc (and they are very gracious to moms to be and new mothers) it's not always easy. But my newest has been sleeping through the night and I knew that meant it's time for me to get in the groove again. I am so not a morning person. So, this is absolutely God's grace for me to get up while it's still dark. However, He's been faithful...sometimes I'm not so much, but He is. All this to say, that since I've had about an hour of complete quietness before the house starts to stir, much has been coming to my mind. I mean, I have had time to be in stillness. And because of that, I can think straight. And because of that, things are surfacing to my mind that I've kinda been able to ignore by keeping busy or rushed through healing to quiet the pain. At first, I was thinking a lot of my past, things I'd done, things done to me. Then I started having dreams. I was like, what Lord?! Why is this stuff coming now, when I'm having times with you? Shouldn't that be keeping this from happening? And you know what, He answered. It just wasn't what I'd imagined. I believe these things are coming up BECAUSE I've had the time to be still and go before Him. He's bringing things to the forefront that need to be really dealt with. Felt. So I can go through them, not around them. Not stuff them quickly as I "claim" His healing. Most often, deep wounds take lots of time to heal. How do I think mine can be healed quickly?

So, here's where it's left me right now. I can stuff it again. I can get busy again. I could overeat or go wild and dull the pain with drugs or drinking and people say I've lost it. Or I could get really busy with churchy stuff and serve others so much that people say I'm so dedicated. Either would be wrong. Both will leave me unhealed. I am sensing the Lord has something way bigger. Maybe painful. But in the end, way worth it. Because I know that He is worth it, I'm willing. I may lash out at times when in the midst of walking through it, something happens or someone does something that feels like salt in the wound, but I'm hoping God will be strong to get me through that and forgiveness had and a bond made with that someone. 

I wish we'd see that when someone else does something hurtful, it's probably because they're going through something themselves. Often times, I'm so self centered, I can't see the possibility that what someone said or did or whatever is probably them going through their own hurt and struggling through it. Probably, if I'd just expressed that hurt to them and listened to them, I'd see that they're experiencing some of their own pain and we'd be able to walk together through our pains instead of causing more to each other. This is my prayer right now for myself and those around me. We're all in this same boat. There is reason for all the hurt. While we cannot use that to excuse sin, we can be understanding with each other and then go to God together. And then we all get to share in each other's pain and eventual healing. That's mourning with those who mourn and rejoicing with those who rejoice. Sharing in it. That brings real unity. 

God, help us! We're such a mess. And we desperately need You. Thank you for your Hope. Thank you for Your grace. Help us to go to you together. To walk through it together. And then, to see You together. Free us to feel the pain that You will turn to Joy, for our good, and Your glory. Amen!

Happy Valentine's Day

Warning: I am being oh-so-for-real, extremely vulnerable. Read cautiously.  :)

I woke up this morning kinda groggy when my alarm went off to spend time with Jesus, the ultimate Lover of my soul. I had some pretty understandable reasons to sleep in this morning, at least in my mind, being that we'd dealt with sick kids for the last week and I ended up with the stomach bug Wednesday night through the wee hours of Thursday morning. We've been getting lots of rest and taking care of our bodies to kick this...and then we were able to go celebrate Kara's birthday at her party last night. I was taking temperatures before leaving, trying to be extra cautious. I know, I think I have a problem.  :) All this to say that I was tired and not really "feeling the love" to compel me out of bed to spend time with the Lord who died for my sin and showed me the greatest love in all the world. Our flesh is still very here, isn't it?

I laid back in bed for a few more minutes and then the Lord graciously got my butt out of bed after the baby woke up a little earlier than normal to eat, so I was up. I went downstairs and was greeted by a small arrangement of roses with a heart and a note from my husband with scripture written out on it. As I went from coffee pot (God's grace to make me more than the walking dead in the morning) to my little spot I've made my morning meeting place with the Lord, to later on to the computer, my hubby had left little rose arrangements with scripture on it for me. After I'd seen the first two and sat down to journal and be with Jesus, I was struck with a sobering reality. Had God's grace not gotten this ungrateful, spoiled brat out of bed, I would've missed the blessing of love from my husband in the way he intended it to be received. I mean, Gary set those out in those places for me to find and be surprised. Had I not gotten up and gone to those spots, I would've missed the intended act of love from my husband...who is one avenue that God displays HIS love to me. Here's the point: God's grace is more than we can even begin to know. Apart from His grace, we'd totally miss out on it all. Every act of love from others is an outpouring of His love towards us. We don't deserve any bit of it. What we really deserve is hell. That He chooses to show us any kind of favor is a miracle in and of itself. 

After my time this morning, I decided to make heart shaped pancakes with chocolate chips for breakfast. Okay, people. Sometimes it is totally the thought that counts. I don't know what on earth I did, but those things looked like anything but hearts. And yes, I was using a heart shaped form. Am I the only one who can't use one of those things? My mom makes it look so easy! And then I couldn't get the dern syrup bottle open. I'd gotten maple syrup, it was in a glass container and the lid wouldn't budge. I had pieces of the slip grip thingie on my counter from twisting so hard. So we ate retarded heart pancakes without syrup. Happy Valentine's Day, kids. HA. And my sweet Bekah was being so kind- they're really good Mommy, even without the syrup. I told her she didn't have to lie and it really was okay. Then she said they'd be really really good with syrup on them.  I gotta make more sometime next week when we get that bottle open.

Anyway, this may be one of the best Valentine's days in my life yet. Gary has to work...when you own a business that's open on Saturdays, sometimes you don't have a choice.  We are spending tonight together as a family, making heart shaped pizzas. (Hopefully this will go WAY better than the pancakes!) We're doing a romantic dinner alone a different night. Valentine's day isn't about the stuff or the big fuss. What it is is just a day the world has created to show love, or in my brother's opinion, a conspiracy to make a ton of money...he may be on to something. As a christian, I'm not going to just act like it doesn't exist, cause it does, so I'm not going to lie. At the same time, we're not going to fall into the materialism trap. Yet, there is a way that it can be God glorifying. Just like any other day. Is the answer for us as believers just to trivialize it? Act like we're SUPPOSED to show love EVERY day, so I'm not making a deal about today. That'd be fine if we really did express love EVERY day, but we don't. It's not even about stuff. If I get mad because I didn't get STUFF today, that'd be wrong too. Here's the reality- it's about a day set aside to express our love to those we love most. When that doesn't happen, it hurts. I get mad. Some of us then call the day stupid and act like it doesn't exist. Not because we really think it's stupid, but because it hurts too much to admit that we don't feel loved by the one(s) that are supposed to love us most. This is what I've experienced in the past, whether on a Valentine's day or birthday or anniversary or whatever. There were times that Gary did get me something, maybe even expensive, but it still hurt me. Because he made it about just making sure I got something. What I really wanted was to feel loved. It may be something that is actually pretty cheap or would seem stupid to someone else, but to me expressed that He knows me and loves me, appreciates me. It's a woman thing to want that. This is the way God created us. It's not bad. It's bad when we react wrong because it doesn't happen. That's what I've done in the past. Instead of running to God in the midst of the hurt and knowing that He alone fulfills, I've gotten mad and hurt Gary as much as I was hurting. Since the garden of Eden, woman has had a desire for her husband. According to Ephesians 5:29, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, nourishing and cherishing it. That's what we desire as women. To be nourished- our needs, loved by our husbands similarly as our children. To be cherished- our desires, what makes us different from our children. What distorts this is a lot of wrong perspectives- that love is to be made much of, to have a feeling only...that love is all about me. That love means you're going to...insert whatever wrong thinking you've dealt with.

Here's why this is the best Valentine's day ever for me this year:  God's grace has finally brought me- maybe just for today, so when I struggle with it again, remind me- that each and every act that expresses love towards me that really does touch my heart because it's done out of love and not duty, happily and not grudgingly, knowing me and not just anything to say it got done- this too is an outpouring of love from God. What I should TREASURE isn't the feeling of being loved or even the person expressing it to me. These are simply arrows pointing us to the one who is to be fully treasured, God Himself, who IS LOVE.

So if you feel loved by those around you today- thank them, show appreciation to them, but don't treasure them, treasure God. And if you don't feel loved by anyone around you today- hurt, don't hurt them,  and treasure God. And in all things, let's give thanks for His gifts!  Happy Valentine's Day!